So, what is resilience really?

-by Meryl His and Montse Lorente

‍

Etymologically, the word Resilience comes from re- (back) salire (to jump, leap), it literally means to bounce back.

Bouncing back is the process of going stronger in the middle of uncertainty and high-stress levels.

This reminds us of the Japanese philosophy called Kintsugi which consists of fixing broken objects with gold. It’s about making the imperfect beautiful and accepting “scars” as part of the design.

Sometimes in the process of repairing things that have broken, we actually create something more unique, beautiful, and resistant.

But, how do we thrive and recover from uncertainty, failure, or negative experiences?

“Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional”

Did you know that we actually have control over suffering?

While pain is related to sensations and emotions, suffering is a mental process related to negative thoughts such as criticism, complaints, or guilt.

There is a concept, called the Circle of Control, that was developed by Epicure and the Stoicism philosophy that recommends we focus only on the things we can control - our thoughts, emotions, opinions, behaviors -, instead of being preoccupied with things we cannot change or influence.

Stephen Covey emphasizes the fact that the more you focus on what you can influence or control (proactive focus),  the bigger the circle of influence is, the smaller the circle of preoccupation gets. On the other hand, the more you focus on what you cannot control (reactive focus), the higher your negative energy and the smaller your circle of influence.

Resilience requires developing a sense of ownership. We don’t choose our circumstances but we can choose how we react and decide to take action.

Sounds easy? Wait a minute.

The reality is that some people have been less exposed to traumatic, negative events during their early life, and, therefore, it has been more difficult for them to develop a natural resilient mindset. But it can be acquired through practice, using the circle of influence idea for example. Other great tools to work on resilience you can leverage are Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) techniques to block negative thoughts, coaching or psychotherapy to explore your personal resources and learn what to make out of difficult times, as well as sports practice to develop natural strengths towards challenges and stress.

Resilience is a mindset. It’s the idea that we are the product of how we decided to live each complicated situation and challenge that we were faced with. Resilience is the ability to transform negative events into something positive that makes us stronger, more powerful, and better humans.

As Viktor Frankl expressed in his book Man Search for Meaning, we have the freedom to choose the attitude with which we want to live what happens in our life. We are free to choose how we want to respond to a painful, stressful, difficult situation. We are free to choose whether we focus on working in what we can control or we can choose to suffer and worry about what’s outside our circle of influence.

Everything is possible. Always remember that you are capable of overcoming whatever will come your way. We believe in you. We believe in resilience.

‍