Few people choose their identity. Instead, they simply internalize the values of their parents or the dominant cultures (e.g. the pursuit of materialism, power, and appearance).
Knowing who you are allows you to live with purpose and develop satisfying relationships, both of which can contribute to overall good emotional health. Self-knowledge also makes it easier to accept your entire self, both the traits you’re proud of and those you’d like to improve.
According to psychologist Tasha Eurich’s extensive field research, “while 95% of people think they are, only 15% are actually self-aware.” In other words, self-knowledge is no trivial topic! Now let’s dive into what makes up your personal identity.
If your life is a ship, you are the captain and your personal values are your navigation system… or your North Star.
Knowing your values allows you to make sound decisions in turbulence or in the eye of the storm!
Here is a free test to help you identify your core values (10 minutes): https://www.valuescentre.com/tools-assessments/pva/
If the pyramid rings a bell to you, it is because it is based upon the work of Abraham Maslow and his Hierarchy of Needs model (a very famous framework among marketers).
Once you have figured out your main values, define what they mean to you. This step is very important. Having done this exercise with hundreds of coachees, I realized how we give different meanings to a given concept.
Once you have defined you core 5 values, seek to rank them - from the most important down to #5. Of course at that stage, all are extremely important.
After ranking your values, you want to ask yourself if you live according to them. To do so, give each value a score on a scale of 1-10 (10 being the highest) reflecting to which extent those values are respected in the way you live your life today.
That exercise is often a wake-up call to help us make necessary changes in our lives so we can live in congruence with ourselves. If some of your main values are let’s say impact and freedom, and you attribute those values scores of 4, there is a high chance you are not very satisfied with the way you lead your life today.
There are many interesting tools out there. You may have heard of the Briggs-Meyers test, the Big 5 test, the Enneagram of the DISC among others.
You can test yourself for free for the big 5 (https://bigfive-test.com/) and the MBTI (www.16personalities.com) in just about 15-20 minutes each.
You may wonder about the meaning of your MBTI score expressed in 4 letters. Here is a quick overview of what those letters stand for.
The first letter stands for Extraversion (E) vs. Introversion (I).
Extraverts (E) are action-oriented. They are seeking to gain breadth of knowledge (rather than depth) and of influence. They typically recharge their energy by spending time with people.
Introverts (I) are thought-oriented. They seek depth of knowledge and influence. They recharge their energy by spending time alone.
The second letter stands for Intuition (N) vs. Sensing (S).
It refers to the way we gather information.
People who are Sensing (S) tend to trust information that is tangible and concrete, and can be understood by the 5 senses. They distrust hunches and intuition and prefer to look for facts and details.
Intuitive (I) people tend to trust information that can be associated with other information, a wider context or a theory. They love to observe patterns and look at the big picture.
The third letter stands for Feeling (F) vs. Thinking (T)
It refers to the way we tend to make our decisions.
Individuals who prefer Thinking (T) strive to make decisions that seem reasonable, logical and consistent. They love to rely on data.
Individuals who prefer Feeling (F) use a different approach to reach a decision. They seek to empathize with the situation and the needs of the people involved. For them, it is important to achieve harmony, consensus and fit.
The fourth letter stands for Judging (J) vs. Perception (P)
It reflects how you like to live your outer life - in other words, the behaviors others see.
Judging types (J) like to have matters settled. They prefer to have a structured lifestyle. Perceiving types (P) prefer a more flexible and adaptable lifestyle.
According to positive psychology, personal strengths are our built-in capacities for particular ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving.
Individuals who reflect on and identify their core strengths and then utilize them lead a flourishing life. Early on, encouraging children to become aware of their strengths helps them to develop more self-confidence and self-awareness. It also teaches them to feel deeper appreciation and value for how each of us is different.
Here is a free test to discover your top 5 strengths: https://high5test.com/
American psychologist Martin Seligman listed 24 strengths classified in 6 categories:
Wisdom - Creativity, Curiosity, Love of learning, Open-mindedness, Perspective
Courage - Authenticity, Bravery, Persistence, Zest (strength of those who believes in living life to the fullest and making the most out of every day)
Humanity - Kindness, Love, Social intelligence
Justice - Fairness, Leadership, Teamwork
Temperance - Forgiveness, Modesty/Humility, Prudence, Self-regulation
Transcendence - Appreciation of beauty and excellence, Gratitude, Hope, Humor, Religiousness/Spirituality
What are the ones that you identify with the most?
Positive psychology considers a weakness to be one of the 24 strengths listed above - the ones that you are lower in.
Weaknesses are not ‘unfixable’ areas, and we can work to improve some of our less-developed character strengths if we wish to. Coaching and positive psychology offer a wide variety of techniques and tools to do so.
Now, can we turn our weaknesses into strengths? And shall we even try?
Of course, cultivating our strengths is the surer path to standing out. Imagine if David strategy’s had been to cultivate his strength to fight Goliath! Fighting with Goliath in close combat would have been foolish. He chose to focus on long-ranged combat, and using his dexterity.
However, we sometimes need to keep some of our weaknesses in check so they are not debilitating. To do so, the first step is to be honest with ourselves in identifying our vulnerabilities. They come with a load of negative emotions and can be very messy! You also need to admit your fears and embrace discomfort. It is important then to make a plan: proactivity is your best asset to keep your fears in check.
Although it seems like a trivial question, my experience as an executive coach and educator of students ranging from Bachelor to MBA taught me that few people really have clarity on their passions.
We usually know what we dislike. That makes sense: we are designed to avoid painful experiences. Negative emotions impact us much more than positive ones.
Passion is a strong feeling of love or enthusiasm. You may be passionate about modern painting or Russian literature. Or about finding unconventional solutions to problems. Or about transmitting knowledge.
Many of us go about finding our passion in the wrong way - by thinking about it. Passion can't be found in your head because it lives in your heart. So instead of spending hours brainstorming with yourself, just put yourself out there and explore new things! You will know when something is truly exhilarating!
I have always been really fond of singing but never took the step to take singing classes. At age 41, I stumbled into a singing studio located less than 1 block from my house. The teacher came out and talked to me. We had that amazing connection and quickly figured out a shared taste for Brazil and the warm sound of an acoustic guitar or the piano. Today I can say I am passionate about singing, especially bossa nova and jazz. All it took was this micro step to enter into a studio.
Have you ever asked yourself what drives you? What puts you in motion?
Is it about creating impact, learning new things, feeling like you belong in a group of community, mastering a topic or discipline or receiving recognition from others?
Asking yourself those questions is very important when making critical decisions such as choosing your next job.
Sometimes our motivation drivers come into conflict. If for you, it is important to create a positive impact but also to have a certain social status, you may ponder between that job at a top consulting firm or that very hands-on NGO directly impacting thousands of lives. Here again, understanding your priority at that given moment is going to help you see clear and make the right decision - for that specific moment of your life.
I personally really like Jurgen Apollo’s Moving Motivators to work with my coachees on their motivational drivers.
Our values, personality traits, strengths & weaknesses, passions and motivational drivers all contribute to our self-image or unique identity as a person. People who can easily describe these aspects of their identity typically have a fairly strong sense of who they are, achieve more, experience better health and get a stronger sense of fulfillment with their lives.
Our values, personality traits, strengths & weaknesses, passions and motivational drivers all contribute to our self-image or unique identity as a person. People who can easily describe these aspects of their personal identity typically have a fairly strong sense of who they are, achieve more, experience better health and get a stronger sense of fulfillment with their lives.
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